I am not sure how to say what I am feeling.  Living at the home with these children has changed my life forever.  I know that it is a good thing to support orphans all over the world.  I do not want to take away from that.  However, would you want someone to support you in your poverty or rescue you from it?

I was thinking last night about some of the things that they live with daily. 

One of the things I miss most is silence.  There is none here.  Maybe for a few hours at night, but a little one is always stirring and someone must answer the call of the soft cry before it becomes wailing waking the others.  I have always been able to retreat to a quiet place until now and wonder how awesome a few moments of silence might be to these children.

 Another is the survival mode they live in.  The runt must fight not to be the runt.  When one advances in the chain another one will retreat to their new found place lower in the chain.  You must prove yourself and live in the moment for there is always someone a little higher on the chain than you. Have you ever been in a situation where you felt like someone was competing with you?  It causes feeling of insecurity, frustration and anxiety.  

The assembly line is another.  Feeding, bathing, just about everything they do is done with the purpose of getting it done.  I remember taking my time bathing my little ones and enjoying every minute of it.  My heart breaks when I think about the necessity of the assembly line in this type of situation.  Unfortunately it is a necessity.

I am very fortunate to have a wonderful family who runs to my side if they think I am hurting or who come together to enjoy blessings.  There are so many times these children have moments that go unattended by another.  No one is there to share.

Can you imagine?  Please try.  And then… ask God what he wants from you.  He just might want you to give, we need givers.  He might just ask you to adopt a child.  Walking in obedience requires faith like the faith he required in II Kings 3 when he told them to dig ditches and he would fill them.  Just as he did then if you are obedient he will be faithful and you will be victorious.